all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
