i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
