Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wish there were birth control emojis
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
