I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We're too hungover to prance.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
