I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
