college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
