His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
