she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
