im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
