I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
