there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
