I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
