Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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