Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
