In the future we'll all be gay
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
