True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
even my farts smell like vagina
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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