i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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