I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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