i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
