Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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