Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
