I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
be right there i have to get my cape
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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