I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
