Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
