You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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