I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
