There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
