I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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