things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
