We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
