Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
