My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
