Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I AM VODKA MAN
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
