Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
