She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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