When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
