I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
