Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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