HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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