were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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