I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
