as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
