Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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