i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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