i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
