What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
