Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
