And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
