I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We need to rekindle our bromance
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
