so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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