grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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