Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
