I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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