break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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