She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
