I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
