I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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