Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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