First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
