you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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