I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
