TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
