farters have to be the big spoon...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
