dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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