I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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