How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
