Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Operation Purity has been aborted
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
